Why Goal Setting Doesn’t Always Work – and What to Do Instead

How often do you hear about setting goals or milestones? Alot I bet.

Apparently it's the key to progress and success whether that’s building confidence, launching a business, or raising your professional profile. While it’s true planning and being clear about what you want and how to get it works for some, it can feel frustrating and demotivating when it just doesn't work for you.

In my experience it’s often how we approach goals that makes the difference and your personal experience of self-determination and achieving.

Why Setting Goals Doesn’t Work for Some People

1. You're focused on what you don’t want

A lot of people set goals focused on what they don't want for example “I don’t want to feel nervous in meetings,” or “I don’t want any of the team to fall behind.” The problem is your brain simply focuses on the nerves, the failure, the fear. Instead of pulling you forward, the goal keeps you stuck in what you’re trying to avoid and sensibly you avoid it.

2. The goal is unrealistic

“I’ll launch my business next month when everything calms down...” "Next time I'll tell her how the team feel so over worked ..." Sometimes it's more wishful thinking than practical steps but that takes knowledge and experience. If the bar is too high or too vague, it can feel easier to avoid the whole thing altogether and often it is.

3. You’re not really in it

Sometimes we say the right things – but deep down we don't belive it's possible and so no real desire to do it. Maybe the goal sounds good on paper, or maybe it's expected of your role or you've talked yourself into corner but it doesn’t actually motivate you and maybe it feel too big to work through. Without genuine buy-in, the motivation fades fast.

4. It’s just too big

“I want to be more confident” or “I want to be a leader.” These goals sound inspiring until you sit down to do the work and then feel completely overwhelmed. Big goals need breaking down – otherwise, they and you stay stuck.

5. It’s vague, with no finish line or not the right time

A goal like “raise my profile within the company” is great – but how will you know when you’ve succeeded? Without something measurable, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting nowhere. Also if your time is stretched, and your exhausted juggling competing demands it's not going to happen, maybe it's the wrong time. Timing matters – sometimes the most productive thing you can do is pause, not push.

For others goal setting does work and here’s what makes the difference:

1. The goal is aligned with what you truly value

When a goal taps into your core values, motivation is there you want to move forward. The goal energises you rather than drains you.

2. It’s clear and specific

Ideas become tangible when you have clarity and a plan. What exactly do you want to achieve? How long could it take? What has to be in place? Who can help? Has it been done before? Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees which is why it's helpful to use a mentor or coach who can ask great incisive questions to get you where you want to be.

3. The reward feels personal and meaningful

You can imagine the result, the end goal you know will be worth it. When the end result really matters to you – not just in theory, but emotionally – you're far more likely to follow through.

4. The goal stretches you, but doesn’t break you

The best goals sit in the sweet spot. That slight discomfort of stretching, trying new strategies, speaking to new people, implenting new plans can be exhilarating rather than paralysing. You feel challenged, not crushed or overwhelmed if you're ready.

Understanding Motivation: Towards vs. Away From

Shelle Rose Charvet, in her work on language and motivation, found that around 40% of us are driven by moving towards something positive – we’re excited by potential gains, sense of achievement and pride etc. Another 40% are more focused on avoiding negative outcomes – we’re driven by what might go wrong if we don’t act. And the rest of us sit somewhere in between.

That’s why, when setting goals, it can help to ask both:

• What might we gain if we achieve this?

• What might we lose if we don’t?

  
  

Both questions speak to different motivational styles and once you’ve got moving, research by Wiseman (2009) suggests it’s best to keep focusing on the gains. Keep your eyes on what you want to create, not just what you want to avoid.

If you’ve struggled with goals in the past, it’s not because you’re lazy, undisciplined or unproductive you just haven't found the right approach or strategy. If you’d like help working out what that looks like for you, that’s exactly the work I do through my coaching and mentoring. Let’s make goal setting something that actually works – not just something that sounds good on paper.